Posts Tagged ‘funny’

For months now I’ve been trying to take a picture of my coworker to post because I swear he could pass for Susan Boyle’s twin brother.  Well I finally did it! I’m so proud of myself.

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This is my coworker, and now for comparison here is a pic of Susan Boyle.

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You decide for yourself.

This one story happened a couple of months ago, when my brother and I were still living together. I was bored, probably blogging or something. While Jack was playing videos games with the volume as loud as the tv to go. That’s when Guermo, my friend/ neighbor, walked in.

Guermo: Jack, You need to turn down that fucking game. I can hear it from my house.

Jack: WHAT?!?!? YOU WANNA GET RAPED?!?!?!

Guermo: … Ugh…. not really.

(he leaves)

Ok, in all seriousness, even I was taken aback by his outburst. I’m used to his random inappropriate jokes and all around weirdness. But, for a second I swear I thought he looked like Jack Nicholson in the shining.

What about you? Do you want to get raped?

A while later I went over to talk to Guermo, mainly because I was starting to get a headache from all the noise. And between 2 black roommates and a loud ass tv, there was plenty of noise.

Guermo: What the fuck is wrong with your brother?

Me: I’m not 100% sure, I cant believe he said that.

Guermo: It’s ok. I’ll masterbate to it later.

Me: Oh, jesus Christ.

What the fuck?

Posted: 05/14/2012 in Uncategorized
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So on my quest to health, I decided I needed to lower my sugar intake and up my fiber intake. Well I saw these Fiber Plus bars and they said 35% of your daily fiber bullshit … blah blah blah and they were only like $2 for a box of 5 so I bought them and starting eating them 1 a day as a snack along with eating other high fiber foods. Well then I started noticing something horribly wrong. I has gas, not your ruin of the mill occasional burp. This was a full on BASEMENT BLOWOUT!!!! Holy fuck balls! It wouldn’t stop! So naturally, I google it and then I found out that fiber gives you gas. Then, I saw this post. And realized oh no, is the god damn bars. But, they are so good, I don’t want to stop eating them. I did, but I didn’t want to…

The God Damned Devil Bars from HELL

My favorite can

Posted: 05/04/2012 in Uncategorized
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I was bored earlier today at work, so I started talking with a hick accent.

Me: Hi, I’m from Tennessee and I like to fuck my cousins.

Brad: Sounds like you’re from Mississippi.

Me: Back in Tennessee, we like to shoot cans.

Brad: What can was your favorite to shoot?

Me: Mexi-cans.

Brad: Do you know how to get rid of fish smell out of your hands

Me: keeping them away from vaginas

Brad: No, rub them with lemon juice then wash them with soap and water

Me: Is that how you wash your vagina in the shower?

Brad: No.

Me: (Patting him on the back) Maybe you should

The other day Guermo came over and and was upset cuz we still had our Christmas tree up. So he asked me to help him take it down just to get him to shut up. So after we take it down we put it in trash bags and load it in the garage. Well my brother Jack sees us and said “Santa came a little early this year.” To which I replied “He also came all over your face.” and closed the door. Guermo thought it was the funniest thing ever and couldnt stop repeating it all day.

im going to start by saying i think this is hysterical! A 17 year old wearing a I Fuck For Satan shirt… im not even sure what to say other than I want that shirt (mens xl preferably) i saw that and died laughing!!! and believe it or not that is one of her more conservative articles of clothing when i say her in concert, she wore on stage a mens dress shirt thigh highs and a rosary. it looked like she just got back from doing the walk of shame. but any way i like this shirt. i want this shirt. oh, and listen to The Pretty Reckless ( her band) they are AMAZING!!! Her voice is the definition of beauty.

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