Pet peeves

Ok, I really wasn’t going to talk about this whole chick-fil-a thing; because I didn’t want to give it more attention than I think it deserves. But on the other hand, it kinda ties into the nest topic I want to talk about. Which is people turning themselves into someone else via the internet. Yes, I realize it’s kinda laughable, because, I myself have a blog that doesn’t disclose my real name. But, the ONLY reason I do it is because I don’t want to get fired from my sorry excuse for a job. Anyway:

Ok, So as many of you know Senor Douchebag (or whatever his real name is), who is CEO (or president or whatever) of Chick-fil-a said he doesn’t believe gays should have the right to marry. I know, shocking, a “Christian” man is a homophob. (and I’m not even going to point out the fact that a 2011 study of homophobic men proved them to be aroused by gay porn when non homophobic straight men didn’t. That you can read about http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-big-questions/201106/homophobic-men-most-aroused-gay-male-porn ) What really pissed me off is how everyone else reacted. Seriously, you’re surprised. This is OLD NEWS!!! Not even news, really. But that brings me to my next point. One of my friends totally stood up for him. Which is her right to do so, except that last year she invited me to her birthday party and tried to hook me up with one of her other gay friends (which is totally gay-cist by the way). Now this bitch wants to act all holy and shit. I don’t think so, and she’s not the only one! Out of my 40 or so facebook friends on my personal account, about half of them pretend to be all godly and shit. I’m like “Oh, please tell me how much you love Jesus after you just got done dealing (or doing…. shit sometimes both) drugs. Or having an affair with a MARRIED man, or cheating on you husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.”

Seriously, these are actual examples of the shit people post on Facebook and I’m just like “Bitch, do you not realize I KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE!!!!” Not that I’m here to judge them (BeLieve me when I say I have no room to judge). It’s just if you’re going to be doing these things don’t act as if you’re holier than thou, motherfucker.

Be very very quiet I’m hunting apartments

I have been looking for a new place, because I need to move because my lease will be up on my birthday (early May) and it’s been tricky. One place I went to advertized $550 all bills paid for a one bedroom and when I get there they said it’s $675!!! Then, they wanted $500 for a pet deposit! Of the other 2 I wanted, neither had their leasing offices open! But, they were $575 with cable, all bills paid ,without cable $550, but the thing is NO PETS!!! So I would have to relocate Shorty and my fish!!! Are they on crack? Then, I went on Craigslist and found a couple I like. One is $525 all bills paid in a SUPER NICE part of town. Its right by my job, down the street from a grocery store, and I don’t have to move in till April!!! I’m really hoping it comes together. If not, I have a few months. The other is a few blocks down from my current location $550 a month,again, all bills paid. I’m just seeing what comes my way!

Dora the sicko

So I have been asking everyone I know what they think of my blog, and my sister in law said that it was fucking hilarious then she asks “How do u know wat Barney sperm looks like?” So I said  “I assumed!” than her sick ass said ”Ya right! Molesting Barney ! Did u tell him I’ll luv u if u luv me, we’re best friends lets touch peepee’s?” To which I replied “Wow. You are a SICKO!!! and this is going on my blog!” and I copied this straight off Facebook and posted it here… oh and then this bitch tells me if I get famous and make money off this blog I will have to pay her 10% because I’m using here “blonde moments” and to be honest here its more like her alzheimer moments cuz she is like in her 50’s…. ok not really shes like 35 or some shit either way she needs to be institutionalized… and yes, I do realize that she will read this. Besides I tell her that all the time

My manager has crabs

So I’ve noticed that my manager is ALWAYS scratching his junk. I mean, its not that I’m staring at his balls all day, cuz I’m not. I’ve just noticed that he’s always doing it. Don’t get me wrong I’m a guy so i get it. We sometimes have to adjust our selves. But there’s no reason to be touching your dick 24/7. It’s not like its going to grow legs and run away. And of you have crabs just go to the doctor or buy some Rid… or use that vinegar and mayo combo that they use on the poor side of town… i don’t care what you do just take care of it!

Yay!

Soooo. I just found out that WordPress has a mobile app so I’m happy!!! I will be able to post as my heart desires. Also yesterday I came home from the library to find like 50 half pint Borden brand milks…. like the ones the have in school. Now a normal person would ask why, but I learned long ago to stop asking questions. Chances are my roommates broke in a school and stole them, what ever I’m just happy for the chocolate milk.

Can I have a Jumbo Jack, Hold the cum

I think I should tell you a little bit more about myself. I live with 3 roommates, well 1 roommate and 2 house mates. The obnoxious and extremely rancid Raymond, whom I already talked about, Jack, my douchey brother, and Sam, my other roommate. I also have like 20 million siblings. There’s Mark, Don, Zack, Stacy, Jack, Linda
Martin, and Andre. That’s from oldest to youngest, I’m in between Stacy and Jack. But, there are only 3 siblings you should know about Zack, Jack, and Martin. They’re the only ones I talk to on a regular basis. Oh, and there’s Vanessa, Jack’s girlfriend, and Dora, Zack’s wife. Vanessa is fucking hilarious!!! And kinda mean, but it’s super funny so it’s totally cool. Like, Jack would be telling a story and Vanessa will interrupt and say ”Shut up, stupid.” and Jack will get sad and then she will say “Just kidding.” and laugh. And naturally I start laughing too… mainly because thats EXACTLY how I talk to him. So basically he’s the red headed step child. And Dora is a fucking NUT CASE!!!! One time I spent the night at Zack’s and it was like midnight and we got hungry, so we went to Jack In The Box. We all wanted different things so we went to place multiple orders and the girl at the window says “Sorry, but we can only do one order per car.” Now, a normal person would have just accepted that and moved on. But, my brother being a dramatic weirdo he screamed ” SO YOU”RE TELLING ME THAT I HAVE TO ORDER AND DRIVE ALL AROUND AGAIN?” and then Dora says “I’m not eating here and makes Zack drive us to a mexican resturant. When Zack asks Dora why wouldn’t she eat there. she said “When you talk to fast food people like that they do shit to your food. I don’t want to be eating my burger, then realize instead of mayo they used CUM.”

Yes. She was afraid of eating a CUM BURGER!!!!!!

I have a family of drama queens.

Second post

OK I’m going to be real here this is less of a second blog entry and more like blog one take two if you know what I mean. Ugh… OK sooooo…… I just finished watching All Good Things and it was OK, I guess.  I’m not sure why I wanted to see it so bad in the first place, but whatever.  Ok so I think I should pst a little about me. I’m kinda paranoid, so I will eventually post little stories of my past and mini snippets of conversations I had with various people but changed little details. Like today I was talking to Jack, my brother, and he asked “Who is Leo Franks?” and I said “An old friend I met back when I lived in Seattle. We used to be really cool, but now he’s just too Jesus-y.” and my douchey brother said ”Like share the shrooms cool?” To which I replied “No one I know is share the shrooms cool.”  In that mini clip I changed 4 things 1. My brother’s name. 2. My friend name. 3. My friend’s gender and 4. Where I met my friend. I do that because I don’t want people to know my real identity. privacy is a HUGE thing with me. Kinda ironic that a guy who’s privacy is a major concern has a blog where ANYONE can read his inner most private thoughts. Whatever. I never said I made and damn sense.

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