I think I’m as fucked up as everyone else

Posted: 12/10/2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

I used to think i was better than everyone else. I used to look down on everyone. Why? Because i didn’t think i was as fucked up as them. I didn’t realize issues manifested in different ways as everyone else. Most former foster kids took can spot from a mile around. They’re the ones with obvious issues. Obvious problems. There are your garden variety issues, my uncle touched me, daddy left when i was a baby, my mon never loved me, then there are your attention seekers, oh look at me i brag about giving blow jobs in allies, look at me im heading to prison because i cant control my anger, oh look at me i think it’s cool to get face tattoos and post pc of me smoking blunts on Facebook, look at me i cant keep a steady job because i dont think im good enought to have money and be happy. I never realized that never letting someone closer than arms lenth near me was  because im fucked up. I never realized that my distrust of everyone was because im fucked up. I never realized that im such an asshole cuz im scared shitless of my emotions. You know i could blame the world for my issues. I could point a finger at everyone and blame then for my short comings. I could give all the excuses in the world for everything…. but in the end no.matter what happens, no matter how true my words, its my fault im fucked up. I allowed myself to be a victim. That stops today. Im not saying im going to wake up in the morning a different person. Im saying im going to take the baby steps still i can walk with out my crutches.

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